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I Loved Jesus in the Night - Teresa of Calcutta - A Secret Revealed

I Loved Jesus in the Night - Teresa of Calcutta - A Secret Revealed


By Fr. Paul Murray, O.P.

You Are My Sunshine

For the past two years, Mother Teresa has been walking with me.  I don’t see her physically, but I see her with my spiritual eyes.  She appears by my side in scattered holy cards and books.  She pops up in my ordinary conversation with others.   Driving to the Center one morning, I stopped behind a car with the license plate, “M Pencil”.  Mother Teresa often referred to herself as a “pencil” in God’s hands.  All I can think about are Jesus’ words to her from the cross, “I THIRST.”  Jesus’ thirst for our love is greater than our broken thirst for Him.

I had planned to write a simple book review of I loved Jesus in the Night  for the magazine.  However, as I read the book, the Holy Spirit put it on my heart to tell you that Jesus loves you.  You may be in terrible pain and suffering in your body.  You may suffer from anxiety, panic attacks, or depression which cause debilitating emotional pain.  Or, like Mother Teresa, you may suffer the worst pain, the feeling of abandonment from God.  A dark night of the soul.  Where is God?

Mother Teresa suffered the dark night of the soul for more than fifty years following her first visitations and locutions from God.  Many people never realized Mother Teresa’s anguish because she always had a smile upon her face.  She radiated joy.  Yet, she felt alone.  She confided to her spiritual director in 1957…

          “…I call, I cling, I want, and there is no one
          to answer…Where I try to raise my thoughts
          to Heaven, there is such convicting emptiness.
          Love - the word - it brings nothing. I am told
          God lives in me – and yet the reality of darkness
          and coldness and emptiness is so great, that
          nothing touches my soul.”

She lived in this darkness until the end of her life.

In the ten years I have worked at DuPage Marian Center, I have spoken with numerous men and women who struggle in darkness.  They suffer because they are in physical pain.  They suffer because their children and family members are away from the Church.  They suffer from anxiety and depression.  I speak to them of redemptive suffering, uniting their pain with Jesus on the cross and His sorrowful Mother.  As Catholics, we understand the value of redemptive suffering, but it is still hard to give ourselves fully to God.

I know darkness.  For many years, I have struggled with anxiety and panic attacks.  I, too, cried out to God, “Where are you?  All I have asked you for is peace.  No worldly things.  Do you not hear me?”  I know now that God did hear me.  I’ve come to realize that God permitted this suffering, so that others could be understood and encouraged through sharing my dark times.  I now unite my sufferings with Jesus and Mary for the salvation of souls, especially the souls of my family.  Jesus, Mary, I love you.  Save souls.

Mother Teresa inspired me to never give up on God’s love.  One morning, I wrote a song to Jesus based on the melody of You are My Sunshine.  I sing the song to Jesus every morning when I am alone.

You are my Sunshine
My only Sunshine
You make me happy
All of my days
I know you know, Lord,
How much I love you
Please do stay my Sunshine always
The other night, Lord,
As I lay sleeping
I dreamt You held me in Your arms
And when I woke, Lord,
You were still there
And I smiled with JOY
As I cried…

Jesus does hear the cries of our hearts.  Weeks later, as I walked down a sidewalk in town, a man passed by me.  He was humming the melody of You are My Sunshine.  And, just recently, while singing my morning song to Jesus, my daughter texted me with the words, Hello Sunshine!  No coincidences.  Jesus knows our pain.  I believe it is in our suffering that He is closest to us. 

“Suffering is a sign that you have come so close to Him that He can kiss you.”
                                                         - Mother Teresa

My hope is that you will find encouragement in the story of Mother Teresa’s dark night. Mother Teresa once said, “If I ever become a saint, I will surely be one of darkness.  I will continually be absent from Heaven to light the light of those in darkness on earth.”  Ask Mother Teresa to walk with you through difficult trials.  She will not disappoint you.  She will open your eyes to the light of Jesus and His love for you.

Softcover, 110 pages.



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